Written by Teresa Adams
I sat there laying on the floor, curled up in a ball, with vomit to the left of me. The pain that I was feeling was unbearable. I assumed I was going through the normal process of womanhood. “MOM!!!” I tried to say as loud as I could but it would only come out as a whisper. I pulled the little bit of energy I had left, took a deep breath and screamed “Mommy!!!” My mother came in the room and asked me “What’s wrong? Is it that time again?” I responded with a weak “Yeah”. She then proceeded to attempt to move me from the floor to the bed. “I can’t move. It hurts too much. My legs are numb, my back hurts and I feel like I’m going to throw up again” I cried. The look on my mom’s face said it all…”Every female doesn’t experience pain like this”.
I was 14 when the pain started to interrupt my life. During those episodes I was unable to carry out my day to day operations. As a result of the pain I would either end up on the floor in the fetal position or in my bed unable to move. I didn’t know what this was and I assumed all of my female friends were going through this the same way. But, after paying close attention I noticed they weren’t. I would see them pop an Advil and go to class or take a Motrin and get ready for track practice. Why was I bedridden? Why did I have to rely on narcotics? Why was I always in the ER? Why would I have to miss school/class a few days out of the month?
In 2010, my doctor said the words “You’ve got stage four Endometriosis. The worst case I’ve seen in a young woman your age,” that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I had so many questions. What was Endometriosis? Is there a cure? If not, was there any medication I could take to relieve the pain? Absolutely nothing was the pain reliever. I was looking at a future with this disease that I knew nothing about and definitely didn’t know how to spell. The next several years I would make friends with all the nurses in almost every nearby hospital. I ended up losing friends who felt like I was a burden. I fell into a deep depression and distanced myself from my loved ones. I turned bitter and angry at myself and took
that anger out on everyone around me. I was hurting physically and emotionally. My heart was filled with so much guilt, shame, anger and bitterness. I often thought, “If living with this disease meant I would have to feel like this 24/7 I’d rather die”. But God…
In 2017, God began to turn things around for me. He turned things around not in the physically sense but, in the spiritual sense. 2017 was the worst part of my journey physically. However, God began to do a work in me and gave me a peace that I still can’t explain. I’m no longer experiencing the pain once a month. I now experience the pain every day. But the peace I have in my heart has helped me get through. Sometimes I still doubt and cry but I don’t allow that to keep me stuck in my feelings too long. I am fighting every day for myself and for my endo sisters. This is not the end for us, it’s only a part of our journey.
Categories: Other Newz